I always wanted to be in a position where I could write not just from a positive place, but an encouraging yet realistic mindset. Good things don’t always last, but neither do bad things. So it’s probably ideal that I’ve come straight ‘off my mat’ and into writing this post because I’ve just meditated and my creative juices are flowing.
Each year I’m amazed at how much growth and opportunity comes through adversity. And also if you proactively seek it (meaning don’t just wait until bad things happen or become complement).
I could’ve sworn about 2 months ago, that I felt I’d never get out the bottomless pit I thought I was in. Too much had happened in a short space of time over 3 months, where I was in hospital twice, and I was going through extreme physical and mental pain. I felt like I died a little bit inside and was destroying my own self-worth with my harsh thoughts. It was, once again, eye-opening, it was like I’d lost all hope and a reason for living, and that opens up an abyss of extreme suffering.
I really thought I wasn’t good enough, that I didn’t serve a purpose on this earth, that I was a burden to my family, that I wasn’t worth loving, that no one would ever love me, that all my efforts were useless, that I was stuck, that I was going no where, that I was helpless… and more. You see there was an endless list and I was MASSIVELY catastrophizing. Many people do that and sometimes aren’t even aware of how much they’re destroying themselves.
Yet this changed. And nothing in particular has happened or good events have ‘come my way’ in order for me to feel somewhat positive or to be in a different mindset. And I realised, it’s the good old cliche of ‘time heals’, mental strength, clarity and unconditional love for the self.
I’ve also had very good health in January, so a great start to the new year! Virtually no symptoms of COPD and my breathing has been exceptional! So I’m hoping that this is the turning point, from the feeding tube I had before (it’s gone now -yay!) . The nutritional support has been there, I’ve gained some weight and I feel stronger physically and mentally. Like I can resume life with much better health again!
I began to understand that suffering, like well-being, is essentially an interior state and understanding that is a pre-requisite to a life worth living.