I always wanted to be in a position where I could write not just from a positive place, but an encouraging yet realistic mindset. Good things don’t always last, but neither do bad things. So it’s probably ideal that I’ve come straight ‘off my mat’ and into writing this post because I’ve just meditated and my creative juices are flowing.
Each year I’m amazed at how much growth and opportunity comes through adversity. And also if you proactively seek it (meaning don’t just wait until bad things happen or become complement).
I could’ve sworn about 2 months ago, that I felt I’d never get out the bottomless pit I thought I was in. Too much had happened in a short space of time over 3 months, where I was in hospital twice, and I was going through extreme physical and mental pain. I felt like I died a little bit inside and was destroying my own self-worth with my harsh thoughts. It was, once again, eye-opening, it was like I’d lost all hope and a reason for living, and that opens up an abyss of extreme suffering.
I really thought I wasn’t good enough, that I didn’t serve a purpose on this earth, that I was a burden to my family, that I wasn’t worth loving, that no one would ever love me, that all my efforts were useless, that I was stuck, that I was going no where, that I was helpless… and more. You see there was an endless list and I was MASSIVELY catastrophizing. Many people do that and sometimes aren’t even aware of how much they’re destroying themselves.
Yet this changed. And nothing in particular has happened or good events have ‘come my way’ in order for me to feel somewhat positive or to be in a different mindset. And I realised, it’s the good old cliche of ‘time heals’, mental strength, clarity and unconditional love for the self.
I’ve also had very good health in January, so a great start to the new year! Virtually no symptoms of COPD and my breathing has been exceptional! So I’m hoping that this is the turning point, from the feeding tube I had before (it’s gone now -yay!) . The nutritional support has been there, I’ve gained some weight and I feel stronger physically and mentally. Like I can resume life with much better health again!
I began to understand that suffering, like well-being, is essentially an interior state and understanding that is a pre-requisite to a life worth living.
The only way I can describe it is ‘Sukha’, which is the sanskrit word for a state of lasting well-being. And it manifests itself when we have freed ourselves of mental blindness and afflictive emotions.
Having been committed to understanding this before and aspects of buddhism/spirituality in the last few years, I just really had to tap into rewiring and reframing my thinking. What also helped was cognitive behavioural Therapy as well as diffusion techniques. Friends. Family. Baby steps. There are 6 billion people on this earth. But no one has to march the same path. It’s all unique. So that’s 6 billion different world perspectives. And that’s okay.
And yoga/meditation in particular has helped to keep me ‘awake’, conscious to these thoughts, but recognising them as thoughts only and not to let the negative ones dictate me. If you are thinking about any of these, it is definitely worth exploring. Or you can contact me directly if you have any questions and comments.
Additionally, a lot of pressure is put on people to be a certain way or achieve certain goals by X amount of time or age. This can be devastating or can make someone feel less than they really are, all because the don’t conform to societal constructs. And really that is all they are.
Even time is a social construct, but of course it serves a purpose for many reasons. And what’s more, is that if I were preoccupied with a ‘normal’ state of life without everything I’d have gone through, I certainly would not have discovered more of myself, my passions or grown up as fast as I have.
It also gives me great pleasure to think about all my achievements following the ‘tragedies’. All of which includes:
- Starting this blog
- Raising awareness of COPD through various means such as the Sunday Mirror, Metro and raising over £4000 for charity (BLF)
- Developing my yoga practice to intermediate and potentially becoming a yin/hatha yoga teacher.
- Becoming more open, non- judgemental, compassionate, patient, loving, understanding and giving.
- Having TONS more gratitude which is also one of the keys to perspective and happiness.
If you would like any advice on resources, contacts or where to start, get in touch!